Only the British Can Fly

I am a Fashion Blogger.

2008-05-27T15:45:00.021-06:00

Old Navy had what one could consider "a decent sale" going on this weekend. I, having decided money in your pocket is overrated, skipped across town to check it out.

Perhaps you've seen their new(est) ad campaign featuring sad girls and whiny singing?

This is a silent version of an annoying ad, thank me later.

I ventured to the Old Navy to see these "neon" clothes (note: the clothes are not neon at all - much to the dismay of ugly-clothed hipsters everywhere). The new line was mostly compressed onto three or four racks and was not on sale. But, like I said before, I decided having money is for lamezoids so I tried on the dresses anyway.

When did looking like you were pregnant (or worse, trying to hide a pregnancy) become fashionable?

I don't understand this. Have a look at some of these offenders.This
is the Women's Cowl-Back Tank Dress. In this picture it doesn't look too awful. Don't be fooled. The bottom is perfectly okay, a little flimsy, but fine for $20. However, the top is weird and boxy and the cowl on the back just hangs weird.

Also, you look pregnant in it.

This is the Women's Halter Dress although some may call it by its true name: halter nighty. The colors are pretty, the cut is bizarre and not really forgiving if you have, I don't know, let's say boobs.

It retails for $34.50. Which I think is a lot to pay to look like a baby prostitute who is with child.

Old Navy calls this the I call it a fancy table cloth I cut a circle out of and draped around my neck. It should have just been Old Navy's new curtain and patio ware line and that's it because this pattern is wasted on a dress that makes it seem like you're buying time until you can figure out how to tell your boyfriend he's got a little one on the way.

Ahhh. The coup de grâce. This is the Women's Georgette Halter Dress. The cut of this one kind of reminds me of the dress Angelina Jolie wore to the SAG awards a few months ago. It kind of looks like a sack, but on Angelina it was a pretty sack. To be fair though, Angelina could go spend $10 at Target on Glad bags and she's still look great. This look does not translate to everyone else.

This piece of fabric costs $39.50. I say piece of fabric because that's what this is. It is the equivalent of going to the fabric store, picking a nice pattern, getting a few yards cut, cinching it near the top, stapling some string to the top and wearing it about town. The silhouette is insane. From the side you look like a sail boat sail. From behind you look like a little kid wearing a beach towel.

Oh, did I mention you also look pregnant?

Do yourself a favor, stay away.

Haven't had a bonified "hit" in a few years? Come to Montana!

2008-04-30T11:57:00.011-06:00

I love that the people of this state still get excited for things. Its genuine and refreshing. I imagine some bands, when their tour takes an awkward swoop upwards through the northwest grimace and brace themselves for what they think will be a shitty stop, but I'd like to think that 9 times out of 10 Montana proves them wrong.

We get excited for you. We don't get a new big act coming through every week. We are happy you even noticed us!

Case in point:

Rockin' the Rivers

Their lineup looks like this:

Third Eye Blind
Soul Asylum
Dennis DeYoung the music of Styx
Nazareth featuring Manny Charlton
Roy Rogers and the Delta Rhythm Kings
Eddie Money
Fran Cosmo former lead singer of Boston featuring Barry Godreau and Anthony Cosmo
Foghat
Bad Company former lead singer Brian Howe

Plus More!

People are stoked! I'm kind of stoked! I actually still have Third Eye Blind albums around here somewhere . . . I really liked them in middle school and once tried to figure out a way to go see them in Spokane at the Opera House. It never happened. Nevertheless they are "do do do do do do do" guys whose song was actually about meth I think. (The song was Semi-Charmed Kind of Life btw)

Rockin' the Rivers involves camping out for a few days and partying and listening to bands from the 70s and probably smoking weed. Everyone will be having a good time and they will be LOVING THE SHIT out of every band that goes on that stage, respects the audience and plays like they did at the height of their fame, I guarantee it.

Remember All-4-One?

This was the first image that came up on google image search.
Blame rests there.

You shouldn't probably. They were a Boyz II Men rip off that was actually ingenious because their hit songs were just R&B versions of country songs. This meant that record companies could release the same song in two markets with very little crossover and make double the dollars on the single. See? Brilliant.

All-4-One peaked in 1994. Then they disappeared into obscurity. . . until 1999! In 1999 All-4-One came through Great Falls! I could of cared less, I liked alternative music then, I liked Fatboy Slim and Green Day. My taste was evolved. < / sarcasm>. BUT all the girls in my 8th grade gym class lost their shit for that band. They all had tickets they all got photos with the members and the next day they all were in the locker room debating which one was the hottest. This band hadn't been on cultural radars for five years, but there I was, listening to girls debate who was hotter: the All-4-One dude with the fu manchu or Justin Timberlake - for serious!

Montana is genuine. Montana will love you. Look forward to meeting us Third Eye Blind.

Murmaider, Mermaid Murder

2008-04-24T12:25:00.003-06:00

Nic Cage's son Weston Coppola-Cage is quite obviously the living embodiment of Nathan Explosion. (Albeit with a touch more makeup)

Just sayin'.

Video proof below! Sorry, its from TMZ (barf noises) but it only furthers the point when he talks about "unleashing the dark, icy winters with the Norwegian black metal."

Best celebrity spawn ever.

Never Tear Us Apart

2008-04-07T12:25:00.003-06:00

Chloe Lattanzi "Rock The Cradle"
Uploaded by TheDlisted

Poor Chole Lattanzi, AKA spawn of Sandy (AKA Olivia "Let's Get Physical" Newton-John).

Perhaps a young girl with body-dysmorphic disorder and severe (we're talking recent hospitalization) anorexia shouldn't be put on stage live to preform in front of millions of people (plus countless repeats!) and be judged.

Maybe?

Perhaps also certain plastic surgeons should discourage 22-year olds from unnecessary collagen and face-lifts.

You think?

She said she couldn't hear herself sing. It sounded like someone who knows what singing is, technically, trying to sing big words as if English was their second language. She was singing sounds really. Maybe it was a really a tone poem set to an INXS song and she's just a brilliant performance artist.

After much debate, I settled on her looking like a mix of Miss Newton-John and a Cat-Person. That would make her 25% feline as the cat-person is assumed to be 50/50.

This story of rape and/or pedos is brought to you by . . .

2008-03-31T18:52:00.004-06:00

Law and Order: SVU (reruns on USA) just had a sponsored by ad for KFC run before the commercial-break proper. The family in the ad had SVU on the television in their kitchen while they ate their fatty-chicken dinner. The kids appeared to be about 8 and 10.

This seems inappropriate.

Medical Examiner: The prostitute was held down and asphyxiated while our perp violently raped her in the subway.
Stabler: We'll get the bastard.

Kid, 8: (takes a bite of chicken): Mom what's a prostitute?
Mom: (finishes her delicious country biscuit) Well, son, a prostitute is a person who sells their body to people for money . . .
---
Doctor: This boy's been raped.
Benson: We'll get the bastard.

Kid, 10: Why is that kid in the hospital?
Dad: Well son, a sick man who likes little boys in a bad way brought him to this country for terrible reasons . . .

AND SCENE!

I'm not even comfortable eating dinner with my parents while SVU is on the TV. I love me some SVU though, CHUNG CHUNG!

Does the hand say CLAV or CLAW?

2008-03-27T11:01:00.013-06:00

And if its "Claw" is it a reference to Jim Carrey in Liar Liar? I hope it is!

Holla.

Some thoughts:

I love Jack White's new hair. (NOTE: I am weirdly obsessed with Jack White's hair) Although it kinda looks like hipster-girl hair, it is a vast improvement over his V from V for Vendetta look.

Or Zorro. It's the same look really, one's just more Mexican-y Robin Hoodish. Also, to be fair a lot of hipster-girl hair is just boys' haircuts (often young boys' haircuts) on lady faces. Example:

The video reminds me a bit of Bishop Allen's Click Click Click, but more RAWKIN' less WALKIN'

The part where Jack and Brenden yell the lyrics at the same time makes me giddy.

I am VERY UPSET I won't be able to see them live this year as my schedule prevents me from going to see them on their closest appearance to Missoula (Seattle, duh).

Congrats to them for bucking music industry standards and getting this released on their terms.

Autumn de Wilde makes me jealous.

Somebody watches Lost.
Hey Guys . . . Where are we?
Also, what's the deal with the polar bear/smoke monster/four-toed statue?

(cue black screen - Lost title and music fades in gently)

Ungawa!

2008-03-05T12:41:00.004-07:00

I saw this band last night.

They must preform like that all the time since they did it on a Tuesday night snowstorm crowd of about 40 at the Palace. It was great, and worth staying up until 2AM (I work at 8AM! Today is fun for my brain!). They are heavy on the crowd-participation which can go either way for a lot of bands - it went the good way for Chow Nasty. They made us dance, yell "Boom Cha Cha!" and we got to play instruments (plastic tambourines and maracas)!!! It reminded me of the No-Fi Soul Rebellion shows of yore a bit, except they only had a drum machine instead of a "Soul System" guitar/cd player. Good show chaps!

Sigh - I miss NoFi now.

Operator: Stop opened up. For a local band, I was pretty impressed to be sure. Along with about 6 other genres they covered "Hot For Teacher" which was pretty damn funny and the lead singer has some chops. He sang in (by my very flawed/distracted count) about 6 different styles from Mars Volta-style yowling to well, David Lee Roth.

HAWT.

My next Lost theory to be disproved.

2008-03-04T08:49:00.009-07:00

Lost has been jaw-droppingly awesome this season. Last week Desmond pulled a Billy Pilgrim and became "unstuck in time." Yes, they actually used the phrase. There are 2 seasons and 8 episodes left in the series so (albeit very slooooooowlllly) we are getting some answers, or more correctly pieces of possible answers. Lost is a harsh mistress.

Those answer pieces seem to indicate some form of time travel. That would both be a secret Ben thinks is worth keeping at the cost of killing everybody who messes with him and that scary dudes think is worth constantly harassing the Oceanic 6 about. Time travel has many applications, not the least of which is accidentally seducing your mom and bringing hoverboards from the bratty girls of the future to the Teenwolves of today.

The Lost-verse expands beyond the TV Show - as I have written about before - and that includes a new Lost game called Lost: Via Domus. Ohhhh latin. It (almost) means "The Way Home." Thanks Wikipedia! Sad news though, the game's not that great. Apparently the in-game version of the show's characters are dead-eyed and strange, the gameplay is short, the load times are long and the puzzles come out of nowhere. Eh, I'd probably never play it anyway.

There is something worth mentioning though: the game's ending has clues! Sweet delicious clues to satiate your hunger for the knowledge of what the hell is going on on that damn island. The review I linked to above has the full plot detail at the bottom of his post, I am putting the part I find most interesting below.

SPOILER ALERT!
There, don't get mad at me.

In the game you play a photographer that has amnesia and makes a deal with Ben to get off the island on a boat (just like Michael! Ben makes deals with everyone, that cad!). Then you hoodwink Ben and side with Jack and then you get to the boat anyway. . .

Here's the kicker: When he gets on the boat, he follows a bearing of 325 degrees, as instructed by Ben. Halfway through his trip, he looks up and sees Flight 815 exploding above him. Then all fades to black, and he's back on the island during the crash sequence, only this time with a friend from his past appearing to lift him from the ground.

Ahhhh what? Is Amnesic Photographer "unstuck in time" like Desmond? Was he also exposed to radiation? Did Michael ever really get away - or is he reliving the whole thing in some sort of time warp?

A theory: in the movie Primer, the main characters create a time machine. The catch is that the machine can only go back to its "turn on" date and you have to spend as much time in the machine as you want to travel back. Perhaps the Island works the same way? It allows for time travel, but to how far back depends on how long you've been on the island/ within the island's "reach." Which is why Desmond traveled back to 1996 and Amnesiac Photographer only went back a few months. This may also explain Richard Alpert's non-aging, if he managed to physically travel through time instead of just mentally (like Desmond's consciousness jumping from his 1996 body to his 2004 body). I suspect we haven't seen the last of George Minkowski. Fisher Stevens (he was in HACKERS! HAX0RZ!) is kind of a bigger actor to kill off in one episode. My suspicion? He has done more with the island than just "checked it out" like he told Desmond.

We shall see.

Kids are dumb, No Country for Old Men was not

2008-02-27T10:23:00.009-07:00

According to USA Today.

Apparently 17-year-olds don't understand references to books or historical events associated with important references (the examples they give are big brother, McCarthyism and the patience of Job). Given, I am six years older than the kids taking this survey, but I am 100% sure I could have - at age 17- explained the concept of Big Brother if asked (and I didn't even read 1984 until freshman year of college). At some point in my public education those ideas seeped in and stuck.

Some stats from the survey:

Among 1,200 students surveyed:
43% knew the Civil War was fought between 1850 and 1900.
52% could identify the theme of 1984.
51% knew that the controversy surrounding Sen. Joseph McCarthy focused on communism.
In all, students earned a C in history and an F in literature, though the survey suggests students do well on topics schools cover. For instance, 88% knew the bombing of Pearl Harbor led the USA into World War II, and 97% could identify Martin Luther King Jr. as author of the "I Have a Dream" speech.

Whew, well I'm glad they got a few things right. I haven't been out of high school that long, Pearl Harbor and MLK were drilled into our brains. Unless you were taking something that left out US History, they were repeated every year in every history class and MLK was usually represented in English class as well. I remember having to analyze "I Have a Dream" at least once if not more.

No Child Left Behind is to blame for a good chunk of this problem. Children are trained to parrot facts so they can pass tests so the school can stay out of hot water. When a teacher has to spend all their time trying to get students to pass tests, they suffer. They learn facts, yes, but they don't obtain knowledge. They stay at the surface and never explore the depths.

How this relates to No Country For Old Men: (spoiler alert!)

I loved the film. It blew me away. I thought it was incredible, up to and INCLUDING the ending. Several people disagree. I have heard several people grunt and moan over the end of this film, claiming it to be stupid and lame. Hell, when I saw it there were audible annoyed grunts when the movie ended and cut to black. Case in point: because of a technical glitch at ABC affiliate WKBW, the anchor's mics were on when the Coen Brothers won the Best Picture Oscar and they called the movie bullshit. Right.

No Country is a literary adaptation of a book by the same name by Cormac McCarthy (who was at the Oscars - awesome!), but not only is it an adaptation of the book, it is a faithful adaptation of the book. That is the important part. I am not going to lie and said I have read the book, although I kind of think I need to now. Themes in books - especially in good books - are often like undercurrents. They lie beneath the surface and you have to look for them. Adapting a novel to the big screen often makes the book's audience angry, they inevitably leave out or change things to fit 400 pages into 1 hour 35 minutes.

In my opinion, the main character in No Country is not Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin). The main character is Sheriff Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones). The movie is not THERE IS No Country for Old Men it is THIS IS No Country for Old Men. While the story shows the Llewelyn coming into possession of a case full of money and trying to evade Anton Chigurh, the story is ABOUT Sheriff Bell feeling and fearing his own mortality. This is made evident in the final scene.

The Coen's know what they are doing - do you really think the guys behind The Big Lebowski and Miller's Crossing would end that way just cause? Like they ran out of film stock or got fed up and just decided "Ehh eff it, print it, we're done. Let's go get burritos." No. Thankfully, the Coen's do not edit films like I edited news pieces at the end of the semester.

The final monologue by Tommy Lee Jones nails the point and firmly establishes that this movie was about him all along. He is an old man in a new world, a world where his morals and methods are irrelevant. He can't compete within this new amoral, violent world. He vowed to save Llwelyn and Carla Jean, his friends or at least acquaintances for sure in such a small town, but he couldn't help them. They died, he failed. In the second dream he speaks of riding horseback in the dark with his father. His father goes up ahead to make a fire and Bell knows his father will be waiting for him when he gets there. "There" is death, something of which Bell is afraid and has come very close to, in the police-taped hotel room he narrowly avoids death-incarnate (Chigurh) and gets to go on with his life. Fate is a huge theme in this movie, and when Bell finds Chigurh's coin on the floor he has been spared (like the gas clerk much earlier on). He was unknowingly betting everything, and he won. He beat death.

"And then I woke up."

He didn't meet up with his father, not yet.

It's poetry. It's excellent writing. Its meaning had to be sussed out and ruminated upon. It did not smack like a hammer between your eyes like so many of the other films you see today. This angers people who wander into the theater expecting to see an action film and getting something different, something all together more powerful and brilliant. You can't stay on the surface to appreciate the film, you have to explore its depths. We don't see the final second's of Llewlyn's life because he didn't see it coming either. We see Sheriff Bell come across the aftermath, death. It is his story.

Note: After writing this in looking for other analyzations of the film I found this one - which I thought was excellent and deserved to be shared. If you disagree feel free to let me know, I can't say I'll debate it with you, but I'd love any other interpretations.

Google Reader proves I'm all over the place.

2008-02-13T10:17:00.002-07:00

Seriously.

This is the result of constantly becoming obsessed with new blogs, among what I regularly scan/check out:

Jezebel - for the lady news!
Best Week Ever - for quirky irreverent pop culture
Consumerist - So I can be a smart shopper
Slog/Line Out - Cause I love Seattle/Dan Savage/Liberalism
Gawker - I'm mean sometimes
Lifehacker - I like to be smart about computers
Stereogum - I hate pitchfork
A List Apart - Web designer
Reddit main page / Digg entertainment/design - When Reddit isn't all Ron Paul all the time, it is full of interesting and oft overlooked news. Digg Design is full of great articles and freebies while the entertainment channel gives me up-to-the-minute updates on Shia LeBeouf (Newz U Can Uze).

YAY

2008-02-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

I just read that The Blakes and Vampire Weekend are both coming through town in the next two months on Feb 13 and Mar 29 respectively.

When I read that I reacted in this order:

Cheer silently
Realize nobody is in this room with me to make me feel lame
Cheer for reals, with noise and everything
Set phone alarm reminders
Text 3 people
Change Facebook status to "is excited for The Blakes next week!"
Check Facebook updates
Blog about it! HOLLA!
Thank pollstar for being up to date.
Post Blog

Here's half the reason for my excitement:

Here's the other half (plus Letterman!):

Re: Hatin' on Romney

2008-02-04T08:40:00.000-07:00

So it turns out that it's not just Huckabee that hates Romney - everybody hates Romney!

"It was very common for e-mails to be flying around between the Thompson, McCain and Giuliani campaigns," says the former Thompson staffer, "Saying, 'No matter what happens with us, we all need to make sure it's not him.'"

Additionally:

The day before the Republican primary, Huckabee mocked Romney for ordering lunch at a Kentucky Fried Chicken, then peeling off the fried coating and eating it with a knife and fork. Presented with a golf club, Huckabee said he wouldn't be very good at the game: "I'd be like Mitt Romney eating fried chicken."

LOL!

Yeehaw! 08 Roundup.

2008-01-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

So I feel the need to share these stories, but rather than do a bunch of mini posts about how much I dislike Mittbot ver. 2.3, Hickabee, etc. I am going to do a roundup of the awkward clusterf*** this race has become!

Romney totally identifies with the black community, he understands their concepts of "bling bling" and letting dogs out of the places they should be and into places they shouldn't be - woof woof woof! Somebody did a BIOS upgrade on his system, but they accidentally set his internal clock to 1998.

EDIT: holy good god there's video! Just a bit out of touch there Guy Smiley.

Huckabee hates Darwin, duh, but Huckabee also hates Romney! He may be continuing down the campaign trail, in part, to spite Romney because as long as both of them are in the race they split the conservative vote and keep Romney in second place. This split may give McCain the edge and the nomination, according to this Politico article. If McCain and the Mayor of 9/11 don't cancel each other out with the moderate vote in Florida, McCain may be on track to take the cake. Oh and Fred Thompson likes butterflies, America, Sam Watterson and afternoon naps.

EDIT 2!: Fred's out. Now the only canidate still(?) in the race with a ridiculously hot wife is Kucinich.

This is a bit surreal

2008-01-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

Whoppi + Kimya + Adam = kind of an odd fit, but great nonetheless. Kimya really loves Whoppi and was excited to meet her. The one song Moldy Peaches reunion was originally supposed to happen on Conan (which seems to make more sense than the harpie gabfest), but:

Well, we said yes initially because I didn't realize what the situation still was with the strike. Then John Darnielle emailed me and told me what the deal was with Conan being forced back on and when I realized that no agreement had been reached with the writers, I cancelled.

-Kimya via Gothamist, read the rest of the interview.

At any rate, this was adorable! I've had three people tell me that they really liked the music in Juno, specifically "Anyone Else But You." All three people were new to the Moldy Peaches, and probably would have never found out about them otherwise. Kudos to Ellen Page for getting the songs in the movie, and sorry to the poor hipsters who feel another shred of their indie cred slipping away into the mainstream! You'll have to find another ironic-cute song to add to your repertoire, or you'll have to spend a minute before or after each performance to specify that you knew the Peaches before George Michael Bluth and Kitty Pryde covered it.

Rich, Desperate and Lashing Out Like a Drunken Fratboy

2008-01-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

"Do you want this primary season to be over? Or do you want this primary season to be hilarious?!"

It's video day. I do declare!

Garfield is a cat who says funny things!

2008-01-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

Garfield hates Mondays!

Several of these showed up on YouTube yesterday. They are all comic gold.

- via Best Week Ever

I'm a Viral Marketing Whore.

2008-01-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

There. I said it. Got a kickass movie or television you want me to be excited about? Throw some weird canon websites up there that tell a back story or give clues or expand the movie's narrative and I AM ALL OVER THAT SHIT.

No kidding.

Cloverfield comes out in just under two weeks and I could not be more excited, until after I see it and I count the days until The Dark Night in July. Both films have been doing the viral marketing tango on the internet the past few months and I've been following them both with gusto. THE JOKER SENT PEOPLE TO GET CAKES, REAL FRIGGIN CAKES!

In Cloverfield, the events in the movie presumably happen on January 18, 2008 (same day the film is released) so the events that lead to the monster attack on NYC would be happening right now. Over the weekend, news clips from all over the world (read: in different languages) started showing up to report on the destruction of the fictional Chuai station in the Atlantic Ocean. Here's the American entry:

Cloverfield News has them all if you'd like to see the above news in French, Italian, Spanish, German, Korean or Japanese. Multi-cultural!

Additionally, all the main characters in the movie have MySpace accounts and have been interacting with each other for a while now. Recently, "Rob" announced via his MySpace that he got a job with a Japanese company called Slusho . . . thus the going away party for him featured in the movie's trailer. Slusho also has a crazy online presence as well as it's parent company Tagruato. There is even a Tarugato-opposed group called TIDOwave involved in the story. Oh and then there's Jamie and Teddy, two more characters that have a website (password: jllovesth)on which Jamie can communicate with Teddy while he's gone. . . working at the Chuai station! There is actually a lot more to this online puzzle and if you're interested I would go to Cloverfield News and catch up.

I find this type of viral marketing fascinating. I have no idea how important the lot of this is to the film or if it will be even necessary to enjoy it, but it really shows us what we can do with story in the digital age. I am reminded of the 80s comic book series/graphic novel The Watchmen which was sooo much more than a comic book. Each chapter ended with an excerpt of a book, a magazine article, something that provided depth, back story, and motive to a character or situation that simply could not be expressed as well over a few pages of panels. I believe the internet allows us to expand on that type of storytelling. JJ Abrams seems to understand this very well, as he has been doing the same for Lost since the beginning (remember the weird ads for the Hanso foundation in 06?). Lost, by the way has some new websites to follow: Oceanic Airlines is back up and flying and Sam Thomas on Find 815 is looking for a lost girlfriend who was on the fateful flight.

So despite the title of this post, I am reluctant to simply call all this "viral marketing."The word "marketing" makes all of it seem really lame and I am smart enough to know I am being marketed to, but even without the online games I would still see Cloverfield and The Dark Night and I will certainly continue to watch Lost faithfully until the writer's strike takes its toll after eight episodes. I think this is more the artists in these mediums breaking the walls of the medium down and finding new and interesting ways to tell stories. You usually don't need to know all the back story to enjoy the final product, but it makes the world the writers have created become so much more dense and enjoyable. Just ask J.K. Rowling and her upcoming giant Harry Potter encyclopedia.

I'm not saying every movie needs these internet additions, surely we don't need to read the livejournal of Sandra Bullock's character before Keanu started sending her letters from the past (future? I never saw that one), but for a movie like Cloverfield or a series like Lost which breaks away from traditional narrative, it makes the overall experience that much more enjoyable.

How do I get in on this? I want in.

What I said about Conan last week?

2008-01-08T11:33:00.000-07:00

Consider it officially taken back.

SOLID GOLD

Late Night Returns! It's Weird!

2008-01-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

Conan said last night that people kept asking him "Whatchyou gonna do? Whatchyou gonna do?" (said in best Jersey guy voice you can muster in your head while reading hopefully).

Apparently the answer to that question is ring spinning, beard admiration, dancing, office tours and rock band in the style of Edith Bunker. . . oh and did I mention ring spinning? There was a lot of ring spinning. Clearly, late night is in no danger of running out of writer-less content any time soon! CLEARLY!

What I am more afraid for is next Monday's return of John Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Sure, the guys are funny, but their shows are basically 18 minutes of solid writing plus a 4 minute interview. The Daily Show and the Colbert Report are bit-driven with a singular interview whereas the rest of late night shows are nearly the opposite plus a monologue. Leno, Kimmel and Conan could, in theory, just cut the bits at the top by 20% and spend more time with guests, or have more guests per show. I don't really see the Comedy Central shows having that option. Since they belong to the WGA, Stewart and Colbert aren't really even allowed to write the whole show themselves. Leno wrote and his own monologue last night, and he's being called out for it today. So what will Monday's shows be like? I am not sure, but the prospect of Stewart just showing clips of those wacky presidential nominees and then mugging for the camera seems a possibility.

Conan's beard is pretty awesome though. He should shellac it and try to spin rings on it. There's at least 3 minutes of content right there.

Bustle in your Hedgerow!

2007-12-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

Betcha thought you could never do the twist to Stairway to Heaven.

WELL YOU WERE WRONG!

(The Mp3 is available here)

Article VI doesn't mean I can't hate Huckabee

2007-12-18T16:14:00.000-07:00

However, what Article VI does not do, and was never intended to do, is deny me the right to say, as loudly as I may choose, that I will on no account vote for a smirking hick like Mike Huckabee, who is an unusually stupid primate but who does not have the elementary intelligence to recognize the fact that this is what he is. My right to say and believe that is already guaranteed to me by the First Amendment. And the right of Huckabee to win the election and fill the White House with morons like himself is unaffected by my expression of an opinion.

-Christopher Hitchens, This Is Not a Test, Slate.com (emphasis mine)

It terrifies me how well Huckabee is polling. However, polls also say that most all the Democratic challengers would whomp him. When you add Chuck Norris as a running mate; however, a wrench is thrown into the system and the world spins off its orbit and into the sun.

PS: Polls mean nothing.

No You Cannot Has Teh Cute.

2007-12-03T11:49:00.000-07:00

The Belz + David Cross FTW.

Set to the gloomy violin version of Chocolate Rain, animals refuse to cross the picket line and be cute for your amusement! Somebody writes that cuteness you know, and they deserve compensation goddammit.

This was written by the genius minds of the Colbert Show, which I sorely miss.

Jump the Shark!

2007-11-27T12:18:00.000-07:00

More like jumped the shark with friggin' lazers strapped to its head, or jumped the shark while the shark tank was being blown up with dynamite. Okay dudes, when Huckabee gloms onto your silly meme it is officially dead. RIP Chuck Norris Facts.

CHUCK NORRIS APPROVED!

*PUNCH*

You Suck Luck!

2007-11-25T23:56:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago Roth and I went into the Walden books at the mall with a 30% off coupon burning a hole in my pocket. We picked up the last remaining copy of Christopher Moore's You Suck (hardback, natch). In flipping through the book we discovered that someone had signed the title page (see below). Weird . . . it kind of looked real and we could make out a "C' and an "M." Roth goes up to the old guy at the counter who proves to not know much of anything about it - as in is it vandalized or real - and just says the red sticker on the back means its from the warehouse. We buy it because chance it's real outweighs any possible disappointment of it being a weird fake. We get home, google it and guess what!

It's legit!

On other copies of the book the signature is in the same place, same size and same color, so I feel fine saying we've got the real mccoy.

So how did a signed copy of You Suck end up in a mall bookstore in Montana?

4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42

2007-11-12T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm learning PHP currently and the array examples used by the instructor are always the Lost numbers. . . tehehe!

Additionally, I found out that unless this writer's strike gets resolved before March-ish we will be given only 8 of the promised 14 episodes for next season. EEP!!!

Danny Glover 4Eva

2007-11-09T11:26:00.000-07:00

I've been out of college for almost exactly six months. Apparently this is enough to be completely detached from college culture - or so MTV U would have be believe.

Last night they gave away their "Woodie Awards" (huh?) I really didn't know anyone in college who listened to most of the winners let alone anyone who would give them an award for being great (or even tolerable really). I will recognize some of the winners as being good (Muse) and some of the nominees for being actually great (Thom Yorke - but he was nominated for being "good***" and he didn't win???), but seriously the only award "The Academy Is" really deserves is one for their ability to make me want to punch them in the face on sight. Justice was nominated again for their excellent D.A.N.C.E. video, but didn't win - which makes no sense really since they were nominated for an actual (meaningless) VMA award a few months ago in basically the same category.

So, it begs the question - do college kids really listen to Fall Out Boy and Boys Like Girls and Say Anything (BARF) , or is MTV U's real target audience high school sophomores? Cause at 23 I feel like I am too old for this shit.

------
*** : The actual award is "The Good Woodie" gah?

Happy Guy Fawkes Day

2007-11-05T14:52:00.000-07:00

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason and plot,
I know of no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, ’twas his intent
To blow up the King and Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow;
By God’s providence he was catch’d
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!

A penny loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o’ cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down.
A faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar.
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head.
Then we’ll say ol’ Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah hoorah!

-via Harper's Magazine which has an excellent on Guy Fawkes and what he means today.

booze.

2007-03-13T19:50:00.000-06:00

Coca Cola's new slogan that ran during American Idol is "Thanks for Drinking."

You're *hic* welcome Coke

shipping costs blow

2007-03-05T02:31:00.000-07:00

On January 8th I ordered a few things from Urban Outfitters super clearance sale.
On January 12th I received a box from UO with the correct number of items, but none of them were what I ordered.
On January 13th I used their "smart label" mailing system to send them the items back.
On February 8 I finally received what I ordered.
On February 13th I sent back a messenger bag I ordered as it was much smaller and more oddly shaped in person than it appeared on their site. I again used the "smart label" technology to send it back.
On March 1st I received a refund for my purchase - less six dollars.

They charged me shipping twice on items it took me a month to receive. They deducted six dollars off my refund because I used their "smart label" technology. It is only six bucks - but it comes out to fourteen dollars of shipping on roughly 4o bucks of stuff. lame lame lame

I bet Apple will be much better to me when I order my new sweet computer.

television rots your mind,. . . but not your intestinal track

2006-12-27T02:47:00.000-07:00

Reason 827 why I don't have cable at home:
I am currently listening to a dude who looks like John Waters talk about how the Duke (who died of colon cancer) had 44 pounds of poo stuck all up in him when he died.

He is promoting a product called Dual Action Cleanse and has stated that if his product was around back then John Wayne could have cleared out the toxic fecal matter that killed him (apparently). He is also asking callers to describe to him the size and shape of their fecal matter to their children's.

GOOOOOOOOOOO CABLE!

dear god he just said "ungulate"

Election!

2006-11-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

Tester WON.
Rumsfeld Resigned.
The Dems got the house.
They might also get the senate.
All my classes this afternoon were canceled.
and
New episode of Lost tonight!

BEST. WEDNESDAY EVER

I still heart you Ryan Adams.

2006-11-06T03:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.ryan-adams.com/cardinalRadio.html

GRIM REAPER SANDWICH SHOP!

DEAR BURGER KING, I'VE BEEN DRINKING TOO MUCH!

Apparently my boy has developed several alter egos, all avaliable on his website free of charge.

Awwwwwwshit mothafuckas. Look who got a website!

I love when he laughs mid-track. It reminds me of the Raincoat Mafia, complete with shitty keyboards.

Woah.

2006-09-29T01:24:00.000-06:00

I still have a sheep blog. It is suspiciously lacking in sheeps lately.

Note for RTV Senior Seminar

2006-09-11T11:59:00.000-06:00

This is my blaug. I don't update it very often cause I have 2 blogs. Curiouser and curiouser.

Ok Go Spend Some Money On Their Damn Albums Already

2006-08-04T22:50:00.000-06:00

I bought their first album at Target for 7 bucks in high school and never looked back.

They seem to have learned sweet dance moves since then.

I live in a goddamn triangle!

2006-06-28T14:10:00.000-06:00

I am typing in a triangle! It is a right triangle. It has a window wall made of iridescent glass squares in the shape of an equilateral triangle.

I paid attention in freshman year geography.

There is a library next door that is traveling through time. I will post those pictures eventually, but this post is all about me baby. Libraries are for Wednesdays or Thursdays or whenever I decide to start posting again.

This is the little shed/studio thing in front of my place. It sticks out pretty fantastically. It looks like a bird - get it? Everybody I meet in the context of living here asks me about the birdshed. I believe I should start making up answers for them. Suggestions?

This is the interior. Because it is my interior, I have crap everywhere. Magazines, sketchbooks, notepads, guitar, envelopes, cds, tums, playstation, etc. Putting things away is for wussies.

This is my loft. You use the ladder thing in the previous photo to get to the loft which runs the length of the building. I am using it as box storage. There was a table up there, but now it is downstairs and is housing my computer wares.

It makes creaky noises. It is making creaky noises right now.

Here is my fire extinguisher. So you know in this wood-panneled house I am totally cool.

Also here is my singular giraffe in my place. If you know me you know that a singular giraffe in my living quarters is an oddity. I packed light, but I packed a giraffe. He likes fire and hangs out near the candles, which are above the stove.

I am a decorating champion! Look how well that clock covers the circuit box! AMAZING! Look how well that White Stripes poster is hanging. Technically, Roth hung up that poster - with guitar strings while I was sleeping - but he is not standing in front of it smiling and I am. So there.

That concludes the glimpse into my life. Stay tuned!

In other news about me, I know a lot about Disney now. I have been watching musical scenes from Disney movies I haven't watched since I was 9 or so and I am finding them to be fairly spectacular. Today I watched "I Wanna Be Like You" from Jungle Book, "Gaston" from Beauty and the Beast and "Hellfire" from Hunchback of Notre Dame. The more I think about it, the more Jungle Book was musically awesome. I would say I need to watch the whole thing again, but I'm pretty sure work's going to take care of that one. Seriously though, King Louie (king of the swingers, the jungle VIP) is great. YouTube it.

2006-06-28T13:56:00.000-06:00

Holy Good Lord I Love MoPo

This girl is deathly afraid pickles.

So Maury teases her with pickles.

Oh Maury, you're such a card!

Newsflash: MySpace Still Sucks.

2006-06-16T02:11:00.000-06:00

but somehow my entire extended family got on it overnight or something.

"I can't shake 'em!"

2006-06-13T19:55:00.000-06:00

Today my internship including watching Star Wars.

Take that Al Gaither.

First 15 Days in Seattle

2006-06-12T22:23:00.000-06:00

So here goes the first post from Seattle. I am going to post this in both my blaugs until I figure out which one will be Seattle-centric.

I have officially been in Washington for 15 days now. Today was my fifth day at the Experience Music Project / Science Fiction Museum. More about that in a few short paragraphs . . .

I have an apartment in the central district. There is a weird neo-classical post-modernist library (Roth coined that one) across the street. The building looks like it is traveling through time. I'll post pictures when it is nice/light outside. I live in a weird "apartment" if you could even call it that. It is its own building, but it is #B. Basically I am living in this guy's art project from 30 years ago. On the outside it looks like a long triangle, on the inside it looks like a cabin I would stay at on the lake. I have a loft that runs the length of the building that I haven't the faintest idea what to do with.

The barrage of good shows here in Seattle is a bit overwhelming. If these names came through Missoula I would undoubtedly have tickets to all of them, but out here there are three good acts on one night all the time. I saw Smoosh and the Eels my first weekend out. The Smoosh girls are going to be every indie boy's fantasy in about five years (if they aren't already - ew.). They're cute, like to jump around on stages with weird body guard-security-whip cream administering types and they are awfully talented. Though I suppose if my daddy was a record producer, I would be too. Hell, they even signed a bus schedule for Roth. Adorable!

Everyone at the EMP is very cool and agreeable. It is a pretty relaxed environment as far as office-settings go. I have a badge that lets me into places (including the museums for free). Right now I am helping with some pre-production for the Sci-fi Hall of Fame Induction on Saturday. I am going to be working at that event as well, so that's cool. I haven't been through the EMP in a while, but if you are a sci-fi fan at all I recommend checking the SFM out. Working for free kind of sucks, but at least I'll get to do some post production, build my resume and like I said the office is pretty nice.

Oh and Roth and I neglected to go to the Frugal Burger in the entire time he was here. Next time he visits we will correct this egregious error.

More to come. Promise.

I want my Bonus Cool Points Please.

2006-01-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm 3 years into college with 2 semesters left to get a degree in Radio/Television Production.

but all of the anthropologists I've met are amongst the coolest people I've met.

Is it too late to join them?

Sorry television I'm an anthropology major now!

Not just for the cool factor, although I'm pretty sure I'd get bonus cool points for having an awesome profession, but also for what seems to be a super-rewarding lifestlye.

Hrm.

O' Holy Night

2005-12-25T00:36:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas Eve!

Encore is celebrating with "Dawn of the Dead."

Thank you Encore, you are badasses.

What cable has taught me

2005-11-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

I've been home for Thanksgiving break, a place where my parents have both internet and cable. This has allowed me to learn (remember?) a few things.

If TLC is any indication - it is easy to buy a house and then completely remodel it - because everybody is filthy rich.
The rich people on the TLC shows must be the ones that spawn the children on MTV's Super Sweet 16 - AKA: The Most Vicious and Horrible People on the Planet. After they finish editing together those shows they should strap the kids in to chairs, make them watch themselves and shock them whenever they say or do something nasty on screen. Then they should give their BMWs to charity and force them into volunteer work so they can see how people who don't have their parents and friends licking their ass operate,
VH1 can do a talking head show on any subject - I Love the Holidays? What the hell. But I do love me some Michael Ian Black.
Franz Ferdinand's new video is awesome. Franz Ferdinand's new single is awesome. Franz Ferdinand is awesome.
There are new episodes of Degrassi - and Liberty is pregnant! LIBERTY! And JT is selling drugs! Ohmygawd.

Oh shit I didn't do any homework.

LAMENT LAMENT LAMENT

2005-11-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

lament sob cry

fuck you fox network

fuck you and the war at home

fuck you michael rappaport

we love you bluths.

NEVER FORGET.

We should totally teach them a lesson....

BabyMomma Dramma!

2005-11-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

Kevin Federline has a rap on the internet.

and he's serious.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(thank you interweb)

sorry if there is anyone that reads this - my sheep blog has been getting all my attention as of late.

I got a fever and the only prescription...

2005-10-12T22:00:00.000-06:00

... is more damn cowbell.

WHY is it so hard to find a decent .wav file of this clip?

My "All Dance All the Time" radio station needs some Walken lovin' cowbell love.

Seriously you'd think that shit would be all over the web, repeated like a billion times on shitty geocities websites.

SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!

2005-09-21T14:35:00.000-06:00

OH SHIT

we are totally on a plane...

AND THERE'S SNAKES!!!

Sam Jackson is a badass for life. Hell I'd be in a movie if someone told me the title was Snakes on a Plane too. Also this appears to be pretty much the plot to a SNL sketch from the mid 90s... with a cobra ON A PLANE!.

that one talked I think.

Either way Keenan is totally in this one.... Welcome to Good Burger Home of the Goo... HOLY SHIT THERES SNAKES AND WE ARE ON A PLANE.

2005-09-03T23:04:00.000-06:00

awesome.

... and a man picks up the phhhhhaaaaooonnne!

2005-09-02T13:08:00.000-06:00

So R. Kelly is a really REALLY shitty actor.

Especially when he plays female characters or gay male characters... or for that matter, himself (I'm assuming). I suggest y'all head on over to mtv.com and watch the VMAs live. (it only works in internet explorer... lame) Find R.Kelly's live performance of "Trapped in the Closet" and watch it. The man is pretty much crazy.

Remember at the talent shows in elementary school when you'd have like 3 girls lipsynch something like "And I Will Always Love You (Whitney version, not Dolly version)" while acting out a skit of some sort or doing wretched dance numbers? That's pretty much what Mr. Kelly did at the VMAs. Except, instead of in front of 300 kids aged 5-11 he did it in front of a couple million people. To his own "opera." On a shitty "bedroom set". By himself.

He lipsynched his own song, and its not like he was caught lipsynching, no no no. He was doing it so he could better express the emotion and intensity of the story. Again, I feel the need to repeat this a lot - BY HIMSELF. He played all 4 parts and lipsynched "lines" like "And Rufus said Cathy! and Chuck said Rufus! and Cathy said Rufus! and Rufus..." you get the picture.

At one point he stood spread eagle with 2 imaginary people pulling him on both sides. AGONY!

The Chuck, Rufus, Cathy, R.Kelly, R.Kelly's woman, and a poilce officer love trapazoid is hilarious. - see this now.

If it isn't Hogan Knows Best - I don't care!

2005-08-16T17:34:00.000-06:00

I can't imagine being as much of an attention-whore as the current crop of reality television rejects seem to be. Honestly - "Battle of the Network Reality Stars??" I suppose by the time you are even asked to be on the show you're pretty much pigeon-holed as the "bitchy one from Real World" or the "doofy one from Big Brother" or the "vapid one from Joe Millionaire," but still - why do these "stars" (yeah right) feel the need to perpetuate their position as adjectives instead of people?

Richard Hatch from Survivor will always be the chunky, naked guy who conniving won the first Survivor, but even now that he's lost a lot of weight, seems to usually be wearing clothes and is probably really smart, that's not him, at least on camera. On television Richard Hatch will always be associated with chunky, naked, conniving - all adjectives, not a person.

Even with people who basically will do whatever you tell them to do in front of cameras this probably won't be better than the original cause that one had Wonder Woman and Real World's Trashy Trishelle is no comparison.

Yippee-kii-yay

2005-08-09T14:53:00.000-06:00

Hey guess what I won?

MACROMEDIA STUDIO 8

(first release)

oh man oh man oh man

AWESOME

awesome job = awesome perks

I win.

I SAW THE WHITE STRIPES

2005-08-08T14:00:00.000-06:00

it can be described as:

crazy-fantasic amazing

but that doesn't do it justice, so how about:

holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit
holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

I very nearly exploded out of joy.

Rock and Roll!

2005-08-04T16:32:00.000-06:00

Okay this is my new most favorite thing.

A Band of Bees.

If you don't immediately love them after watching the "Chicken payback" video then you have no soul.

Throwback dance music to the 60s and the kinks? CHECK
Throwback 60s fashions on hipster Japanses kids? CHECK
Girl getting hit in the face with a platform boot? CHECK
Japanese kids playing Dance Dance Revolution? CHECK
Sweet pompadors? CHECK
Cowboy hats? CHECK
Jungle Noises? CHECK
Super-Sweet Dance Moves? CHECK
Acid-wash Jeans? CHECK

Damn Skippy they're badass.

Payback the monkey... Payback the piggy... Payback the chicken back to the chicken baby....

Things I Know.

2005-08-02T16:38:00.000-06:00

So I know both a Charlie Wolf and a Charlie Fox.

One thanks to Lee... the other thanks to a car accident.

wheeeehaw..... except you have to say it Challey Wolf to make it sound right.

Also Jane magazine know I secretly like Kelly Clarkson... goddamnthem they must be stopped.

"since you've been gone, I can breath for the first tiiiiiiiiiiiimeeeeeee!"

Where Are They Now?

2005-07-27T17:21:00.000-06:00

Lil' Pete from Pete and Pete has a bluseyish jam band (my describtion after listing to 1 half of 1 mp3) . They are called Jounce.

I woulda pegged him for more of a fan of Metallica rather than Dispatch... but I guess you can judge a person's musical taste by what the character they played when they were 9.

Big Pete was in Slackers and that will forever be a good movie cause Jason Schwartzman rode a Unicycle and called himself Cool Ethan.

The Interweb teaches me things and for this I am grateful.

G-G-G-G-G-G-G-UNIT!

2005-07-25T16:31:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday I saw 50 cent and Lil' John at the Big Sky Ampitheatre which is really a field next to the Brewery where they build a stage and sell beer and hot dogs. It took 2 hours of standing in the blistery winds to get in - well not reall in, more like around - the building to see the show, but I did get to see the poet that wrote the immortal verse:

From the windows/
To the walls/
'Till the sweat drips down my balls/
Down these females craws

So that was cool. Then theres a part about skeet shooting or something.

Some observations:

I'm not saying that you shouldn't let your kids listen to rap music - but I don't think you should bring your 5-year-old to a show where every other word is fuck and the preformers regularly ask the crowd "WHO HERE LIKES TO SMOKE WEED?!?!?!" Then you add in the references to the girls with the "big titties" and all the gun noizes and you're just asking for some kind of warped childhood. Although I guess if you do choose to pay 50 bucks to bring your five-year-old to see Fiddy you probably don't care too much about warping their brain.
Girls will hooch up for any show really, but rap shows seem to bring the inner hooch out in flying colors. Cold winds couldn't hinder the hooches at this show who seemed to say to themselves "Ahh the concert is in a giant field and the paper says there is a chance of rain - I definetly should wear the mini skirt, tube top and the 4 inch stiletto heels."
Eating popcorn at a rap show seems weird. Paying three bucks for a small cup of beer and foam seems weirder.
When you are part of a larger group it is harder to preform the songs by yourself. I mean, Bizarre was interesting to see, but he had to cut all of the D-12 songs down cause, well, you know he is only 1 member of D-12.
Rappers are similar to fifteen-year-olds on prom night - they both like to be sparkly.
If I were in a band, I like Fiddy would end every song I did with a gun blast - you seem much cooler that way, and at least the first time you're going to startle some people.
It will only be a matter of time until the giant pendants around rapper's necks are replaced with a model of the rims of their ride - actual size.
Lil John had a big blow-up Crunk Juice prop, that seems about right.

He likes pancakes and is probably older than you

2005-07-14T13:55:00.000-06:00

So apparently Andy Milonakis was born in 1976 which would make him not like some ADD-ridden 14 year old with the crazies but a 29-year-old guy who just happens to be able to act like some ADD-ridden 14 year old with the crazies. He has some kind of hormonal thing that makes him look much younger than his actual age (kind of a reverse version of that crappy Robin Williams movie Jack).

Either way that thing with the old guy in a lawn chair holding a tube of Bengay at the end of every rainbow was pretty funny.

"RAINBOWS SUCK!"

Hurrah it's 88¢ Tuesday!

2005-07-13T16:00:00.000-06:00

What other reason would I ever have to even consider renting National Treasure or Seed of Chucky?

Loyal Degrassi Army! ASSEMBLE!

2005-07-12T13:03:00.000-06:00

So glarkware proves again and again that Canada knows their shit when it comes to clever and/or awesome clothing.

Dear lord there's a Degrassi shirt.

Heathcliff It's me Cathy....

2005-07-01T11:57:00.000-06:00

So when I saw the Decemberists a few months ago Petra Hayden sang on a cover of Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights and it was AMAZING. I can only find a live performance of it, but it's avaliable for download.

I've read Wuthering Heights, but I didn't like it much... maybe cause I had to read it in the summer when my reading time is more or less spent on shorter or at least funnier things and Wuthering Heights is pretty long and fairly tragic... but I like the song so much I'm considering rereading it for fun.

Yeah you heard me, rereading Wuthering Heights for fun.

Why is moving so hard?

2005-06-24T13:21:00.000-06:00

Goddamnnit I need to put everything in boxes but everything is more interesting than packing and I can get distracted for like 2 hours when I find some old balloons and my book on how to make balloon animals. Also old photo albums suck me in and the new Home Movies DVD and then I'm just sitting on the couch in a mess of papers and crap and I can't figure out where the last 2 hours went and my stuff is most definetly not in boxes.

Also I need to pack glasses without them smashing.

My balloon sword and helmet were kickass though.

I have a new toy

2005-06-07T15:49:00.000-06:00

AT&T Labs has demo up for a more reliable text-to-speech. They plan to use it for telephone systems and other things where real people are smply too busy to read.

This is all well and good, but I much prefer making an old British man recite the lyrics to "Ho" by Ludacris.

Take it away Charles!

Why Jack White?!

2005-06-03T15:09:00.000-06:00

God not only is he a pirate, he's a married pirate.

I liked him better before he went crazy and got a pamphlet on "How to Look Creepy while Sporting Facial Hair like a Pirate or 70's Porno Star"

Ryan Adams seems to be going this way too, except instead of pirate he seems to like the idea of scraggly flower child with a trunk full of nice jeans and Harry Potter's glasses, or Johnny Depp in Secret Window.

Oh boys you used to be soooo much prettier...

My playlist is a little centered...

2005-06-03T13:57:00.000-06:00

So Audioscrobbler is my new obsession.

It records my playlist into my profile and after I get so many songs on my list it will make me a radio station. Also i can listen to radio stations based on artists similar to ones I like.

However, right now, it seems to be a little confused by the overwhelming abundance of Tom Jones I've been listening to.

DAUGHTER OF DARKNESS!!!

Thoughts while sitting at work

2005-05-18T12:23:00.000-06:00

MSN has more gossip than news.
MSN has more Star Wars content than gossip.
Client Schmient
I don't want to go to my other job tonight
This summer feels like fall so far
NanuSucks blog needs a wider audience
Radioio Rock is a fun station
Photo Manipulation is more fun than CSS
Playing Sims2 is more fun than photo manipulation
I need a place to live.

after that its kind of a loud ringing noise.

I kind of already

2005-05-17T01:43:00.000-06:00

want to change the look of my page.

Things never last.

Finding a place to live is hard

For Nanu

2005-05-13T02:01:00.000-06:00

Things that are awesome on the internet (part 1)

Random Facts About Vin Diesel
Glarkware
Boing Boing
Overcompensating
Shark Punch
Black Diamond

Enjoy cool.

THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME

2005-04-27T23:12:00.000-06:00

Constantine got kicked off American Idol.

That's what you get for singing Nickleback.

Lameass.

BOWL. NOODLE. HOT.

2005-04-27T01:06:00.000-06:00

Pleasasaur was amazing.

He dressed up like a Yeti and sang a song reminicent of "Don't You Talk to Strangers" by Jared Jumps Over the Moon about strangers in white vans that have the best candy.

He also had a song about a tasty meat island where lions eat candy and eventually him and his grandma. Oh and a limo service called "No Prob Limo!"

I need to invest in some projectors and costumes.

The Volumen refused to play "Minitaure Action Jesus" and I miss Fiesta:The Band even if the members have gone on to do better things, nothing beats several songs about minor league baseball in a row.

markabouttownmarkabouttownmarkabouttown
markabouttownmarkabouttownmarkabouttown

I don't care what You say.

2005-04-25T00:57:00.000-06:00

I like Tom Goes to the Mayor.

Michael Ian Black, Jack Black, Kyle Gass, David Cross, Jeff Goldblum and Bob Odenkirk can't all be wrong.

(nevermind that MIB is in those Sierra Mist ads)

"Hi I'm Tom Peters but you can call me Poop!"

Darth likes it Dark

2005-04-17T15:51:00.000-06:00

If liking dark chocolate M&Ms means aligning yourself with the dark side...

sign me up.

Elvis Costello Rules...

2005-04-11T00:59:00.000-06:00

...but a 35 dollar baby doll tee does not.

I wanted one pretty bad, but not that bad.

I will have to settle for awesome interent shirts.

P.S. Elvis Costello is amazing and I would see him again in a heartbeat.

You're not a hooker, are you?

2005-04-09T09:48:00.000-06:00

The power went out at my house at about 9:12 this morining. I woke up to my printer going bezerko. I came in the hooose to check on my laptop. Now I am watching Showgirls and eating cereal.

Why is showgirls is on at 9:30 in the morning?

If you have to ask you don't watch VH1.

I can see my house from here.

2005-04-05T16:35:00.000-06:00

Google local is amazing. Go look at it now.

CLICKY

I found my house and the U and got a better understanding of just how messed up this city's roads are in five minutes.

As it appears that one day google will be the most powerful force on the planet I suggest you align yourself with them now... cause when judgement day comes, the reckoning will be intense.

I totally play video games...

2005-03-30T00:36:00.000-07:00

...when I'm not at Hot Topic

I made a fake webpage for a fake record label today.

Hooooray for awesome jobs!

Weird...

2005-03-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

Robot Chicken just referenced Sleepaway Camp. I suppose it makes sense that Seth Green likes that movie... but did he have to ruin the end for all the camp virgins?

probably.

i seem to be unable to do homework... for like the past 6.5 hrs

Oh Technology...

2005-03-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

My parents are trying/failing to figure out how to use their cell phones...

...its cute and sort of sad at the same time

PRODUCT PLACEMENT!!!!11one

2005-03-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

T'day I am in Spokane shopping til I drop (like the show on lifetime where the contestants wear matching sweaters and have to run up and down a spiral staircase collecting boxes with serving trays and pictures of luggage inside... man I loved that show when I was 6). At Nordstroms and Macys I saw an unusualy large amount of sixty year old ladies who buy clothes in the junior's section and try to look 40 years younger by any means necessary. I also found Boo Radleys which is kind of like Spokane's answer to Rockin' Rudy's with less music and more oddities.

I purchased Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic which is the sequel to The Hipster Handbook. Both are awesome. Also I heard the Decemberist's new album and it's pretty amazing and sorta hypnotic.

Man I miss Shop Til You Drop... and Supermarket Sweep...

Oh and I just realized that I've been wearing my camisole inside out for at least 3 hours. Sweet.

It may be a hoax but its a damn creepy one...

2005-03-23T02:01:00.000-07:00

foreverpuppy

My doggy will stay a puppy forevvvvahhhhhh!

Sleep evades me

2005-03-23T01:07:00.000-07:00

So as far as Spring Break goes I'm mostly unproductive and lazy and sleeping for long periods of time and far into the afternoon, but tomorrow I have to actually get up and do things.

Also I need to make art for the doodle art show at area 5...

So do I get some sleep or doodle?

Either way the Who's Tommy is on Encore and that's all right with me.

Whatever it takes - I know I can make it through!

2005-03-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

So today I watched like 6 episodes of non-on-the-N Degrassi. And I learned a few things:

When engaging in sexual activity of any kind, use a condom. Otherwise you could get knocked up (like Manny) or get Gonorrhea from Jay (like Emma).
If you do happen to get Gonorrhea from Jay it is best you never acknowledge it by wearing "player prize" bracelets or not only will Manny call you a ho, but also Dracula will refuse to kiss you and whenever they can the kids at school will make fun of you for it.
Also never let Manny catch you getting your mack on with your hot teacher.
Don't let the school shooter think Jimmy sold him out, or else after Jimmy gets shot he'll tell you that you're dead to him - from his wheelchair...
For that matter, cut your damn hair Spinner
Oh and never make out with Liberty in her dad's hot tub

I love Degrassi - it is part of my mission to make you love it too...

Also at no point today did I wear socks.

New Style

2005-03-18T19:43:00.000-07:00

I designed this thing like 3 months ago. I put it up tonight for I am slow and bored.

What Not To Wear's Worst Dressed Couple is a dissapointing.

Typing with a laptop on your lap results in a hot lap.

I like Mary Poppins - can you tell?

I am the Epitome of Class

2005-03-09T00:26:00.002-07:00

For dinner I ate spaghetti-os in a mixing bowl and stolen tortilla chips.

mmmm classy

I Pulled an Andy...

2005-03-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

...and managed to completely miss the back page of my economics test.

Thank god for Pass/Fail.

Beguckin.

A reason to get your grades up -

2005-03-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

So I watched Battle Royal and Battle Royal 2 the past few nights and I've come to realize that Japan is one messed up country - I base this much on the fact that these movies were made and then widely distributed (right?) in that country.

Don't get me wrong, they were good... but there's something fairly unsetteling about seeing a bunch of high school kids run around on an island killing each other off lord-of-the-flies-style not because they want to, but because if they don't the collar around their necks will explode. Oh also the kids were chosen cause they are/were "problem students" which in Japan apparently means "got a pink slip in the 3rd grade" and/or "got a C on a test." I think. So their class got picked randomly from a bunch of "problem classes" and now they get to slash the crap out of each other on an island.

There was also a guy who looked like Cloud. From Final Fantasy.

Blanket!

2005-03-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

So Michael Jackson's attourneys are having him take the stand...

that's just ignant.

should make for good tv though

Ford This!

2005-02-24T15:22:00.000-07:00

Playing the Oregon Trail in elementary school was awesome.

Mostly because as you continued down the trail you ran into gravestones that read like this:

Here lies mAtt

fuck boob shit

R.I.P.

Curse words are fun when you're 8!

Also I liked to see how many oxen/people I could kill off by fording the first river.

Who can kill the most pounds of meat in a minute? Buffalo Hunt!

Recent Obsession

2005-02-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

Marcus brought over Katamari Damacy the other day and now we're all rolling up balls of fruit, mice, signposts, dogs and small children. I think I am addicted. Here are things:

The King of All Cosmos has a frickin huge codpiece.
The Prince of All Cosmos looks like a jolly rancher.
The block-headed children must be on acid if they're "feeling the cosmos."
Collecting swans is hard, collecting crowns is harder and trying to pick out virgins from a group of random women is impossible.
My Katamari would, like, so totally kick your Katamari's ass
Shawn always beats me at 2 player cause he is stealthy
I may have founs something to waste more of my time than Sims 2

There is more probably.

if i had a ton of money

2005-02-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

I'd buy everything at Shagmart.

http://www.shagmart.com/

Everything.

Pack Your Bags We're Giong to Camp...

2005-02-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

I think my favorite thing in life is when I see a new camper experience Sleepaway Camp for the first time.

the tiny shorts
the ambiguous sexuality
the awesome mom
the longest baseball scene ever
the "amazing" acting
the Steve Perry look-alike
the worst use of a curling iron
the best mustache in cinema history
and of course -
THE BEST ENDING OF ALL TIME

It almost brings a tear to my eye.

-Camp Counselor Becca

Things in Class

2005-02-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

my media arts teachers encouraged us to lie in our stories we write in class

i am going start a giraffe farm

in upstate new york

in a climate controlled bubble

my favorite one will be named Gil

What I'm Doing Right Now.

2005-01-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

Watching a city go down - VOLCANO STYLE!

Take that Pompeii.

Facebook.com

2005-01-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

Everybody seems to be on it and although I've only beem onit since like Wednesday like 5 people have been like "I saw you're in the facebook!" and I was like - "yes for 6 hours" so i think the facebook people are onto something.

Its better than myspace... perhaps I'll have to sell out and get one of those too.

"Youre on myspace!!! So am I!!!"
*punched*

Arrested Development is on in 1 hour... how will I hold myself over?

Surreal Life

2005-01-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

Any show where Mini Me gets drunk and then gets naked and then pees in a corner is okay in my book.

My book is very inclusive.

Know what's awesome?

2005-01-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

Going through a box of kleenex in 2 hours.

Also Sons and Daughters are pretty awesome - that one's for reals.

Like 5 DVD Players!

2005-01-18T23:52:00.000-07:00

I like Pimp My Ride for 2 reasons:
One because in the beginning Xzibit just pops out of everywhere and all of a sudden he's the car. All of a sudden he's just poofing up everywhere on your screen like he shares some genetics with bunnies. Knowing that Xzibit is magic is a fun thing,
Two because no matter how cool the actual "pimp" is they usually render any storage space in the car useless. It's like this:
Xzibit: "Check this out back here in your trunk you got a complete horse derby back here cause I know you like to bet on the ponies.
Pimped Kid: Yeah but I use my trunk to transport important things.
Xzibit: What! You got like 5 DVD players back there!!1 And you got Xbox. You've offically been pimped.

I don't know who needs that many TVs and DVD players in their car, but apparently West Coast Customs knows something I don't. I guess everyone should be able to watch a movie, play Xbox and have a thumpin stereo and some other random customized toy in their car.

I did like the Xzibit personalized car alarm though... that was pretty pimp.

God Bless the USA channel

2005-01-11T01:34:00.000-07:00

Where else can you get screamin guitar solos over the credit reel at 1 AM?

Attn: World

2005-01-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

Elvis is not 70 today.

He is, in fact, dead.

That is all.

Boy Meets Baggie

2005-01-06T01:46:00.000-07:00

Did you ever notice how as the seasons progressed the older brother on Boy Meets World got increasingly dumber? His presence was eventually limited from brotherly advice to pure wackiness and tomfoolery. Originally I thought this was just a case the writers on BMW being lazy, that was until I recently when I ran into a person I hadn't seen in a while. This person, like Eric Matthews, seemed to have lost all the sensibility I remembered them as having. Suddenly it all made sense, I understood the older brother ‘s situation – pity ABC’s family schedule wouldn’t show the cause of Eric’s downward spiral as it may have helped many with decisions down the line.

Eric Matthews Syndrome exists in the real world, you just have to smoke enough pot.

But hey, at least you get to have zanier adventures.

Columnist on the Mundane

2005-01-04T01:55:00.000-07:00

That's what I decided to call myself today while I watched the skit on SNL where they drink cookie dough like its Gatorade while "Love Hurts" plays in the background.

Also I decided that since I need to find a way to combine beans and blueberries for optimum healthiness. Beanberry casserole here we come.

Stay Classy San Diego!