I am a Fashion Blogger.

Old Navy had what one could consider "a decent sale" going on this weekend. I, having decided money in your pocket is overrated, skipped across town to check it out.

Perhaps you've seen their new(est) ad campaign featuring sad girls and whiny singing?

This is a silent version of an annoying ad, thank me later.

I ventured to the Old Navy to see these "neon" clothes (note: the clothes are not neon at all - much to the dismay of ugly-clothed hipsters everywhere). The new line was mostly compressed onto three or four racks and was not on sale. But, like I said before, I decided having money is for lamezoids so I tried on the dresses anyway.

When did looking like you were pregnant (or worse, trying to hide a pregnancy) become fashionable?

I don't understand this. Have a look at some of these offenders.This
is the Women's Cowl-Back Tank Dress. In this picture it doesn't look too awful. Don't be fooled. The bottom is perfectly okay, a little flimsy, but fine for $20. However, the top is weird and boxy and the cowl on the back just hangs weird.

Also, you look pregnant in it.

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This is the Women's Halter Dress although some may call it by its true name: halter nighty. The colors are pretty, the cut is bizarre and not really forgiving if you have, I don't know, let's say boobs.

It retails for $34.50. Which I think is a lot to pay to look like a baby prostitute who is with child.

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Old Navy calls this the I call it a fancy table cloth I cut a circle out of and draped around my neck. It should have just been Old Navy's new curtain and patio ware line and that's it because this pattern is wasted on a dress that makes it seem like you're buying time until you can figure out how to tell your boyfriend he's got a little one on the way.

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Ahhh. The coup de grâce. This is the Women's Georgette Halter Dress. The cut of this one kind of reminds me of the dress Angelina Jolie wore to the SAG awards a few months ago. It kind of looks like a sack, but on Angelina it was a pretty sack. To be fair though, Angelina could go spend $10 at Target on Glad bags and she's still look great. This look does not translate to everyone else.

This piece of fabric costs $39.50. I say piece of fabric because that's what this is. It is the equivalent of going to the fabric store, picking a nice pattern, getting a few yards cut, cinching it near the top, stapling some string to the top and wearing it about town. The silhouette is insane. From the side you look like a sail boat sail. From behind you look like a little kid wearing a beach towel.

Oh, did I mention you also look pregnant?

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Do yourself a favor, stay away.

Haven't had a bonified "hit" in a few years? Come to Montana!

I love that the people of this state still get excited for things. Its genuine and refreshing. I imagine some bands, when their tour takes an awkward swoop upwards through the northwest grimace and brace themselves for what they think will be a shitty stop, but I'd like to think that 9 times out of 10 Montana proves them wrong.

We get excited for you. We don't get a new big act coming through every week. We are happy you even noticed us!

Case in point:

Rockin' the Rivers

Their lineup looks like this:

• Third Eye Blind
• Soul Asylum
• Dennis DeYoung the music of Styx
• Nazareth featuring Manny Charlton
• Roy Rogers and the Delta Rhythm Kings
• Eddie Money
• Fran Cosmo former lead singer of Boston featuring Barry Godreau and Anthony Cosmo
• Foghat
• Bad Company former lead singer Brian Howe

Plus More!

People are stoked! I'm kind of stoked! I actually still have Third Eye Blind albums around here somewhere . . . I really liked them in middle school and once tried to figure out a way to go see them in Spokane at the Opera House. It never happened. Nevertheless they are "do do do do do do do" guys whose song was actually about meth I think. (The song was Semi-Charmed Kind of Life btw)

Rockin' the Rivers involves camping out for a few days and partying and listening to bands from the 70s and probably smoking weed. Everyone will be having a good time and they will be LOVING THE SHIT out of every band that goes on that stage, respects the audience and plays like they did at the height of their fame, I guarantee it.

Remember All-4-One?

This was the first image that came up on google image search.
Blame rests there.

You shouldn't probably. They were a Boyz II Men rip off that was actually ingenious because their hit songs were just R&B versions of country songs. This meant that record companies could release the same song in two markets with very little crossover and make double the dollars on the single. See? Brilliant.

All-4-One peaked in 1994. Then they disappeared into obscurity. . . until 1999! In 1999 All-4-One came through Great Falls! I could of cared less, I liked alternative music then, I liked Fatboy Slim and Green Day. My taste was evolved. < / sarcasm>. BUT all the girls in my 8th grade gym class lost their shit for that band. They all had tickets they all got photos with the members and the next day they all were in the locker room debating which one was the hottest. This band hadn't been on cultural radars for five years, but there I was, listening to girls debate who was hotter: the All-4-One dude with the fu manchu or Justin Timberlake - for serious!

Montana is genuine. Montana will love you. Look forward to meeting us Third Eye Blind.

Murmaider, Mermaid Murder

Nic Cage's son Weston Coppola-Cage is quite obviously the living embodiment of Nathan Explosion. (Albeit with a touch more makeup)


Just sayin'.

Video proof below! Sorry, its from TMZ (barf noises) but it only furthers the point when he talks about "unleashing the dark, icy winters with the Norwegian black metal."


Best celebrity spawn ever.

Never Tear Us Apart

Chloe Lattanzi "Rock The Cradle"
Uploaded by TheDlisted

Poor Chole Lattanzi, AKA spawn of Sandy (AKA Olivia "Let's Get Physical" Newton-John).

Perhaps a young girl with body-dysmorphic disorder and severe (we're talking recent hospitalization) anorexia shouldn't be put on stage live to preform in front of millions of people (plus countless repeats!) and be judged.

Maybe?

Perhaps also certain plastic surgeons should discourage 22-year olds from unnecessary collagen and face-lifts.

You think?

She said she couldn't hear herself sing. It sounded like someone who knows what singing is, technically, trying to sing big words as if English was their second language. She was singing sounds really. Maybe it was a really a tone poem set to an INXS song and she's just a brilliant performance artist.

After much debate, I settled on her looking like a mix of Miss Newton-John and a Cat-Person. That would make her 25% feline as the cat-person is assumed to be 50/50.

This story of rape and/or pedos is brought to you by . . .

Law and Order: SVU (reruns on USA) just had a sponsored by ad for KFC run before the commercial-break proper. The family in the ad had SVU on the television in their kitchen while they ate their fatty-chicken dinner. The kids appeared to be about 8 and 10.

This seems inappropriate.

Medical Examiner: The prostitute was held down and asphyxiated while our perp violently raped her in the subway.
Stabler: We'll get the bastard.

Kid, 8: (takes a bite of chicken): Mom what's a prostitute?
Mom: (finishes her delicious country biscuit) Well, son, a prostitute is a person who sells their body to people for money . . .
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Doctor: This boy's been raped.
Benson: We'll get the bastard.

Kid, 10: Why is that kid in the hospital?
Dad: Well son, a sick man who likes little boys in a bad way brought him to this country for terrible reasons . . .

AND SCENE!

I'm not even comfortable eating dinner with my parents while SVU is on the TV. I love me some SVU though, CHUNG CHUNG!

Does the hand say CLAV or CLAW?

And if its "Claw" is it a reference to Jim Carrey in Liar Liar? I hope it is!



Holla.

Some thoughts:

• I love Jack White's new hair. (NOTE: I am weirdly obsessed with Jack White's hair) Although it kinda looks like hipster-girl hair, it is a vast improvement over his V from V for Vendetta look.
  
  Or Zorro. It's the same look really, one's just more Mexican-y Robin Hoodish. Also, to be fair a lot of hipster-girl hair is just boys' haircuts (often young boys' haircuts) on lady faces. Example:
  
  



• The video reminds me a bit of Bishop Allen's Click Click Click, but more RAWKIN' less WALKIN'


• The part where Jack and Brenden yell the lyrics at the same time makes me giddy.


• I am VERY UPSET I won't be able to see them live this year as my schedule prevents me from going to see them on their closest appearance to Missoula (Seattle, duh).


• Congrats to them for bucking music industry standards and getting this released on their terms.


• Autumn de Wilde makes me jealous.


• Somebody watches Lost.
  
  Hey Guys . . . Where are we?
  Also, what's the deal with the polar bear/smoke monster/four-toed statue?
  
  

(cue black screen - Lost title and music fades in gently)

Ungawa!

I saw this band last night.



They must preform like that all the time since they did it on a Tuesday night snowstorm crowd of about 40 at the Palace. It was great, and worth staying up until 2AM (I work at 8AM! Today is fun for my brain!). They are heavy on the crowd-participation which can go either way for a lot of bands - it went the good way for Chow Nasty. They made us dance, yell "Boom Cha Cha!" and we got to play instruments (plastic tambourines and maracas)!!! It reminded me of the No-Fi Soul Rebellion shows of yore a bit, except they only had a drum machine instead of a "Soul System" guitar/cd player. Good show chaps!

Sigh - I miss NoFi now.

Operator: Stop opened up. For a local band, I was pretty impressed to be sure. Along with about 6 other genres they covered "Hot For Teacher" which was pretty damn funny and the lead singer has some chops. He sang in (by my very flawed/distracted count) about 6 different styles from Mars Volta-style yowling to well, David Lee Roth.



HAWT.