BabyMomma Dramma!

Kevin Federline has a rap on the internet.


and he's serious.





BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(thank you interweb)

sorry if there is anyone that reads this - my sheep blog has been getting all my attention as of late.

I got a fever and the only prescription...

... is more damn cowbell.


WHY is it so hard to find a decent .wav file of this clip?

My "All Dance All the Time" radio station needs some Walken lovin' cowbell love.



Seriously you'd think that shit would be all over the web, repeated like a billion times on shitty geocities websites.

SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!!

OH SHIT

we are totally on a plane...

AND THERE'S SNAKES!!!


Sam Jackson is a badass for life. Hell I'd be in a movie if someone told me the title was Snakes on a Plane too. Also this appears to be pretty much the plot to a SNL sketch from the mid 90s... with a cobra ON A PLANE!.


that one talked I think.


Either way Keenan is totally in this one.... Welcome to Good Burger Home of the Goo... HOLY SHIT THERES SNAKES AND WE ARE ON A PLANE.

awesome.

... and a man picks up the phhhhhaaaaooonnne!

So R. Kelly is a really REALLY shitty actor.

Especially when he plays female characters or gay male characters... or for that matter, himself (I'm assuming). I suggest y'all head on over to mtv.com and watch the VMAs live. (it only works in internet explorer... lame) Find R.Kelly's live performance of "Trapped in the Closet" and watch it. The man is pretty much crazy.

Remember at the talent shows in elementary school when you'd have like 3 girls lipsynch something like "And I Will Always Love You (Whitney version, not Dolly version)" while acting out a skit of some sort or doing wretched dance numbers? That's pretty much what Mr. Kelly did at the VMAs. Except, instead of in front of 300 kids aged 5-11 he did it in front of a couple million people. To his own "opera." On a shitty "bedroom set". By himself.

He lipsynched his own song, and its not like he was caught lipsynching, no no no. He was doing it so he could better express the emotion and intensity of the story. Again, I feel the need to repeat this a lot - BY HIMSELF. He played all 4 parts and lipsynched "lines" like "And Rufus said Cathy! and Chuck said Rufus! and Cathy said Rufus! and Rufus..." you get the picture.

At one point he stood spread eagle with 2 imaginary people pulling him on both sides. AGONY!

The Chuck, Rufus, Cathy, R.Kelly, R.Kelly's woman, and a poilce officer love trapazoid is hilarious. - see this now.

If it isn't Hogan Knows Best - I don't care!

I can't imagine being as much of an attention-whore as the current crop of reality television rejects seem to be. Honestly - "Battle of the Network Reality Stars??" I suppose by the time you are even asked to be on the show you're pretty much pigeon-holed as the "bitchy one from Real World" or the "doofy one from Big Brother" or the "vapid one from Joe Millionaire," but still - why do these "stars" (yeah right) feel the need to perpetuate their position as adjectives instead of people?

Richard Hatch from Survivor will always be the chunky, naked guy who conniving won the first Survivor, but even now that he's lost a lot of weight, seems to usually be wearing clothes and is probably really smart, that's not him, at least on camera. On television Richard Hatch will always be associated with chunky, naked, conniving - all adjectives, not a person.

Even with people who basically will do whatever you tell them to do in front of cameras this probably won't be better than the original cause that one had Wonder Woman and Real World's Trashy Trishelle is no comparison.

Yippee-kii-yay

Hey guess what I won?

MACROMEDIA STUDIO 8

(first release)

oh man oh man oh man

AWESOME

awesome job = awesome perks

I win.

I SAW THE WHITE STRIPES

it can be described as:

crazy-fantasic amazing

but that doesn't do it justice, so how about:

holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit
holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

I very nearly exploded out of joy.

Rock and Roll!

Okay this is my new most favorite thing.

A Band of Bees.


If you don't immediately love them after watching the "Chicken payback" video then you have no soul.

Throwback dance music to the 60s and the kinks? CHECK
Throwback 60s fashions on hipster Japanses kids? CHECK
Girl getting hit in the face with a platform boot? CHECK
Japanese kids playing Dance Dance Revolution? CHECK
Sweet pompadors? CHECK
Cowboy hats? CHECK
Jungle Noises? CHECK
Super-Sweet Dance Moves? CHECK
Acid-wash Jeans? CHECK

Damn Skippy they're badass.

Payback the monkey... Payback the piggy... Payback the chicken back to the chicken baby....

Things I Know.

So I know both a Charlie Wolf and a Charlie Fox.

One thanks to Lee... the other thanks to a car accident.


wheeeehaw..... except you have to say it Challey Wolf to make it sound right.


Also Jane magazine know I secretly like Kelly Clarkson... goddamnthem they must be stopped.

"since you've been gone, I can breath for the first tiiiiiiiiiiiimeeeeeee!"

Where Are They Now?

Lil' Pete from Pete and Pete has a bluseyish jam band (my describtion after listing to 1 half of 1 mp3) . They are called Jounce.

I woulda pegged him for more of a fan of Metallica rather than Dispatch... but I guess you can judge a person's musical taste by what the character they played when they were 9.

Big Pete was in Slackers and that will forever be a good movie cause Jason Schwartzman rode a Unicycle and called himself Cool Ethan.



The Interweb teaches me things and for this I am grateful.

G-G-G-G-G-G-G-UNIT!

Last Saturday I saw 50 cent and Lil' John at the Big Sky Ampitheatre which is really a field next to the Brewery where they build a stage and sell beer and hot dogs. It took 2 hours of standing in the blistery winds to get in - well not reall in, more like around - the building to see the show, but I did get to see the poet that wrote the immortal verse:

From the windows/
To the walls/
'Till the sweat drips down my balls/
Down these females craws

So that was cool. Then theres a part about skeet shooting or something.

Some observations:

• I'm not saying that you shouldn't let your kids listen to rap music - but I don't think you should bring your 5-year-old to a show where every other word is fuck and the preformers regularly ask the crowd "WHO HERE LIKES TO SMOKE WEED?!?!?!" Then you add in the references to the girls with the "big titties" and all the gun noizes and you're just asking for some kind of warped childhood. Although I guess if you do choose to pay 50 bucks to bring your five-year-old to see Fiddy you probably don't care too much about warping their brain.
• Girls will hooch up for any show really, but rap shows seem to bring the inner hooch out in flying colors. Cold winds couldn't hinder the hooches at this show who seemed to say to themselves "Ahh the concert is in a giant field and the paper says there is a chance of rain - I definetly should wear the mini skirt, tube top and the 4 inch stiletto heels."
• Eating popcorn at a rap show seems weird. Paying three bucks for a small cup of beer and foam seems weirder.
• When you are part of a larger group it is harder to preform the songs by yourself. I mean, Bizarre was interesting to see, but he had to cut all of the D-12 songs down cause, well, you know he is only 1 member of D-12.
• Rappers are similar to fifteen-year-olds on prom night - they both like to be sparkly.
• If I were in a band, I like Fiddy would end every song I did with a gun blast - you seem much cooler that way, and at least the first time you're going to startle some people.
• It will only be a matter of time until the giant pendants around rapper's necks are replaced with a model of the rims of their ride - actual size.
• Lil John had a big blow-up Crunk Juice prop, that seems about right.
  

He likes pancakes and is probably older than you

So apparently Andy Milonakis was born in 1976 which would make him not like some ADD-ridden 14 year old with the crazies but a 29-year-old guy who just happens to be able to act like some ADD-ridden 14 year old with the crazies. He has some kind of hormonal thing that makes him look much younger than his actual age (kind of a reverse version of that crappy Robin Williams movie Jack).

Either way that thing with the old guy in a lawn chair holding a tube of Bengay at the end of every rainbow was pretty funny.

"RAINBOWS SUCK!"

Hurrah it's 88¢ Tuesday!

What other reason would I ever have to even consider renting National Treasure or Seed of Chucky?

Loyal Degrassi Army! ASSEMBLE!

So glarkware proves again and again that Canada knows their shit when it comes to clever and/or awesome clothing.

Dear lord there's a Degrassi shirt.

Heathcliff It's me Cathy....

So when I saw the Decemberists a few months ago Petra Hayden sang on a cover of Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights and it was AMAZING. I can only find a live performance of it, but it's avaliable for download.


I've read Wuthering Heights, but I didn't like it much... maybe cause I had to read it in the summer when my reading time is more or less spent on shorter or at least funnier things and Wuthering Heights is pretty long and fairly tragic... but I like the song so much I'm considering rereading it for fun.


Yeah you heard me, rereading Wuthering Heights for fun.

Why is moving so hard?

Goddamnnit I need to put everything in boxes but everything is more interesting than packing and I can get distracted for like 2 hours when I find some old balloons and my book on how to make balloon animals. Also old photo albums suck me in and the new Home Movies DVD and then I'm just sitting on the couch in a mess of papers and crap and I can't figure out where the last 2 hours went and my stuff is most definetly not in boxes.

Also I need to pack glasses without them smashing.



My balloon sword and helmet were kickass though.

I have a new toy

AT&T Labs has demo up for a more reliable text-to-speech. They plan to use it for telephone systems and other things where real people are smply too busy to read.

This is all well and good, but I much prefer making an old British man recite the lyrics to "Ho" by Ludacris.

Take it away Charles!

Why Jack White?!

God not only is he a pirate, he's a married pirate.

I liked him better before he went crazy and got a pamphlet on "How to Look Creepy while Sporting Facial Hair like a Pirate or 70's Porno Star"




Ryan Adams seems to be going this way too, except instead of pirate he seems to like the idea of scraggly flower child with a trunk full of nice jeans and Harry Potter's glasses, or Johnny Depp in Secret Window.




Oh boys you used to be soooo much prettier...

My playlist is a little centered...

So Audioscrobbler is my new obsession.

It records my playlist into my profile and after I get so many songs on my list it will make me a radio station. Also i can listen to radio stations based on artists similar to ones I like.

However, right now, it seems to be a little confused by the overwhelming abundance of Tom Jones I've been listening to.


DAUGHTER OF DARKNESS!!!